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27 May 2008 @ 01:45 pm
How Am I Different? Doctor Who Drabble  
Story: Doctor Who, Season 2-3 and Voyage of the Damned
Genre: Romance/Angst
Characters/Pairing: Ten, Ten/Rose, Ten/previous companions
Rating: Unrated
Word count: 583

And don’t tell me—
Let me guess
I could change it all around if I would just say yes

But how am I different?
How am I different?
How am I different?

~Aimee Mann


I thought you and me were … but I obviously got it wrong. I’ve been to the year five billion, right, but this … now this is really seeing the future. You just leave us be’ind. Is that what you’re going to do to me?

No. Not to you—

But, Sarah Jane- you were that close to her once, and now... you never even mention her. Why not?

I don't age, I regenerate. But humans decay; you wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone who you—

What, Doctor?

There it was. That word. Like a button that must not ever never be pressed. And he’d almost done it. Almost stumbled right into it.

You can spend the rest of your life with me. But I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on, alone. That's the curse of the Timelords.

He didn’t finish and she didn’t press him. Neither one of them liked where that particular conversation led. And so they both began to play his game of deny it’s there and maybe it will go away.

He played it really well this time around. He ran so far and so fast he crashed into the life of another blond girl. In another time. In another place. And for five minutes. Or maybe five hours. He pretended she didn’t matter to him. Went so far as to imagine life without her. Happiness without her.

He touched the mind of a magical, glittering, woman. She saw him. She saw him truly. Saw him in a way he never wanted to be seen. Saw him in a way he was desperate to be seen. But all he saw was Rose.

And so he danced and cavorted. He promised to take her with him. Pretended he didn’t see what he saw.

When he read her letter he heard her words, but they were in Rose’s voice. And all the excitement of the new, the rush of the running, faded to ash.

For here was one more girl. Bright eyed and smiling. And dead. Just like Polly and Romana. Just like one day soon—Sarah Jane. And then Rose.

And the look in her eyes. Don’t you love me? Don’t you love me best of all? I know now I’m not the only one. But couldn’t you just say I was? That I am? Isn’t it different with me? Couldn’t I be special?

In the face of another golden girl. In the shining, bright eyes of another woman he saw her again. He watched her die. And in that instant he saw all of them die. Saw Rose die.

As she slipped through his fingers he wondered all over again. Were any of them special? Did he love any of them? Did he love all of them?

He was alone again. Staring out over time and space. And yet he wasn’t. He was with her. On that distant shore.

Once more he was caught in a moment at which to change everything. The moment when he would finally say it. And it slipped right through his fingers.

Or did he let it?

He held her words in his heart. In his hearts. And he waited, not daring to hope—that he would see her again.


oneloveonelight: doctorpolaroidbedoneloveonelight on May 27th, 2008 10:50 pm (UTC)
He can't say it. "Love" is that wonderful and terrible word to him. It's a word that makes and breaks worlds for him.

The phrase, And so they both began to play his game of deny it’s there and maybe it will go away. Yeah, I've been there. Long story but I can appreciate that line.

This is beautiful. I need some more of this in my fics, some more musings and philosophizing and less dialogue and skin! (not that there's anything wrong with it but I loooove angst in a weird twisted way and sometimes it's better than graphic descriptions.)

Great job, I could really hear the Doctor's voice in this piece!
salymander on May 27th, 2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
Hee! I got in the mood to write something REALLY depressing. LOL, I'm glad you like angst too.

And thanks, I'm always glad when I can pull off Doctor voice. I don't know, I mean there's like extra bonus points or something when I can get inside a male character's head.
oneloveonelight: doctorpolaroidbedoneloveonelight on May 27th, 2008 11:01 pm (UTC)
Good job! *high fives*

Oh, and another Doctor in bed. It's necessary. Yes, it is. *nods*
salymander on May 27th, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
YAY *high fives back*

Hmmm are we making requests now? I don't know if I can write that, it'd be such a trial for me ;)

When is the Doctor in bed NOT necessary? Hmmmm maybe when you have Jack in bed. *ponders*
oneloveonelight: jackgrinoneloveonelight on May 27th, 2008 11:18 pm (UTC)
Or both! Uh....

LOL. Well, it's nice to think about. But it's probably more for the TW slash community (they do have those, though, The Doctor and Jack!)

I haven't read any though. *looks innocent but it isn't working*
salymander on May 28th, 2008 12:01 am (UTC)
They're both HOT, but I just don't see them together. Kind of gives me the creeps actually and I LIKE slash.

Have you ever heard Suzanne Westenhoiefer's stand up on Butch/Femme? It's really hilarious and kind of illustrates what I think the problem is. She says every relationship needs a little yin & a little yang. If you haven't heard it I'll send you my mp3.
Angelaequivocal_muse on May 29th, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC)
Interesting. There must be more about this doctor, I am about to find it.
salymander on May 29th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)
Oh have you not watched Doctor Who? It comes on the BBC.